Screen Shot 2017-03-20 at 11.34.39 PMScreen Shot 2017-03-20 at 11.34.59 PMScreen Shot 2017-03-20 at 11.35.09 PMScreen Shot 2017-03-20 at 11.35.19 PM

Tinder is a legal sex app. You chat up the girl, maybe promise her a date or two then you fuck and never talk to her again. That’s how it works. Or at least that’s how it’s supposed to work. I wouldn’t know because every single girl I match with is looking to get married and live in nice house on a prairie with a white picket fence and 3 little kids running around the tire swing that hangs from the tree next to the lake. If you’re a girl on Tinder looking for  serious relationship then you’re doing life all wrong. Go meet a guy at the grocery store or something.

This chick clearly understood the dynamics of Tinder. Swipe. Match. Fuck. She has that down. And allowing the dude to blow a load on her face and tits?! Put this chick in the Tinder Hall of Fame cause that’s the icing on the cake. Finishing all over a chick is something every guy wants to happen more. Condoms suck and having to finish in a towel sucks. Sure it’s nice to drop dimes on a chicks stomach or leg from time to time but that gets old.  You need some spice in your life from time to time and that spice might mean painting a girls face. Does it suck to take a load to the face? I got no idea. I like to imagine myself more as the Tom Brady to whatever white receiver, or occasional/rare black receiver, on the other end of the connection. Chicks in porn seem to like so it can’t be that bad. And I mean girls should want it to happen more too. I’m no doctor but I’m about 100% sure a girl can’t get pregnant with cum on her face. Just a thought ladies.

But where and where not to cum isn’t the point of this.

This dead person fucking motherfucker may be the most selfish person of all time. If you fuck one dead person odds are they’ve fucked multiple dead people. Fucking dead people isn’t something you try just to try it, like skydiving or cocaine. You fuck a dead person because you love fucking a dead person and it’s pretty easy to do. No awkward introductions. No dates. No pretending to care about how their day went. Just strictly fucking their brains out. Plus he has an unlimited amount of them. HE WORKS AT A FUCKING MORGUE! As long as he lives they’ll be dead people lined up out the door ready to go.  It’s unfair! Us guys have to put in that time and effort to maybe fuck. And it’s a big maybe. If the sex ever happens it only lasts for a short period of time too. The time spent trying to fuck-to-time spent actually fucking ratio is right about 1000minutes:1minute.

People who fuck dead people need to stay in their lane. Simple as that. Let us normal do our thing and you do your thing.